Silent Breaker: November 2008

A Man's Doll

This is a story of a young girl which has really moved me. Let me share it to all of you.

"Dinala ako nung lalaki sa motel. Parang wala siyang pakialam na 16 pa lang ako. Nung una, natakot talaga ako. Akala ko hindi na kakayanin ng katawan ko, sa sobrang sakit ng mga ginawa niya sa 'kin. Nakakapanibago pala sa simula. Pero ngayon, sanay na rin ako dahil dumadami na ang customers ko. Pakiramdam ko ang laki ng nawala sa 'kin nung gabing 'yun."

This is how it all started. Rosie* was just 16 yrs old when she began working as a prostitute in order to support her studies. She described her first experience with a client like rape, and when it was all over, the guy threw the money in her face. Rosie was forced into this work because her parents had substance abuse problems, as well as gambling issues. One time, her father came home wasted and sexually molested her. He threatened to kill both her and her mother if she were to tell a soul. Instead of seeking help, she began using her body to provide for herself.

"Gusto ko lang sanang makapagtapos at makapagtrabaho ng maayos." To earn for her tuition, she never forgot the advice given to her by an old lady who lived nearby. "Use your body to make living in order to survive."

Her customers put her through a lot, but still didn't want to give up on the notion of romantic love. Occasionally, she would hook up with college guys from different schools. One time, she thought a guy was genuinely into her, so she went along with him to his dorm only to find a group of guys waiting for her. He placed something in her drink and she soon felt dizzy. Later, she awoke naked with a bunch of guys laughing, drinking, and doing drugs around her. Other times, customers even resorted to beating her up after sex just because they had nothing to pay her.

Despite all this, she wakes up every morning thanking GOD she's still alive and healthy. A simple pleasure that makes her happy to this day is going to a toy store and looking at a doll her father had given her that reminds her of better days. It brings her back to the time when she was young and all she worried about was what game to play next. When a customer compliments her out of the blue and says she's beautiful instead of roughing her up, she feels thankful inside. During those moments, she forgets that she works as a prostitute and feels like a real person. ;'(

Hush!

Hello! People guess what? I've been living 'alone' for more than 2 weeks now. ahaha! What an achievement! Maybe you would think it's not a big deal or whatsoever, but for me it is! My Dad is busy with his work. He's currently in Negros right now to fix things. So, I'm left here alone on Iloilo-which means I have the freedom to do whatever I want, but with limitations of course. For 16 years that I'm existing here in this world, I've been so reliant to my parents. At the same time, they're so over-protective to me. So whatever I do or wherever I go, I must report it to them. They can also be as strict as a ruler! Haiz. Sometimes I wish I could do what other teens like me do. You know, the usual things: night-outs, going anywhere without worrying about that stupid curfew-which kills the fun actually, staying up all night, party 'till dawn, blah blah blah... But what can i do? NOTHING! uhuh. It's fine. Yeah, in fact I'm over used to it. Hmmmm. Now I'm just enjoying my time here, living independently and I oh-so-looovee it. =)

On the other hand, I was so distraught when I discovered that someone's pretending to be my boyfriend when in fact he's NOT! How's that? arrrrghhh! I don't understand why he has to do such thing, and I don't even know him! Such a feeler! I hate it. SOB.

Super Girl-No More

I'm lying in my bed, looking blankly in the ceiling, feeling sluggish and all, when suddenly something just pops out in my mind. I started wondering if I've become an overworked girl. I asked my self, "Am I neglecting my own needs just so others will like me?". They say that people who aim to please and keep the peace are often overly concerned of what others think of them. They sacrifice what they want, dismiss what they feel, and mold who they are just to avoid being seen as a party popper, a bad friend, a manang, a flake, or anything other than what they think people expect them to be. I must admit, sometimes I'm like that. It's just that it's also difficult to say NO. I'm thinking that if I don't say YES to everything and be everything to everyone, the world will come to an end. But it's not like that. I realized that my friends are strong enough to survive a day without me, the world will keep turning even if I shut off my cell phone so I can finish my work, and my family will still be my family even if I choose to go after my dreams instead of theirs. Hmmmm. Now it's time to take that heavy load in my chest and...breath. =)